Milkshakes
by Authoressinhiding
Summary: A drunken Slayer meets a drunken vampire in a bar. oneshot


**Disclaimer: If I owned it, I wouldn't have resort to watching it on Hulu, which for the record, I also do not own. There is no owning here. Except of the pwning kind. There might possibly be some of that.**

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"What's your name again?" Faith hadn't been spending too much time in bars or clubs since the Mayor hired her. For some reason, he didn't want his precious pet Slayer hanging around the drunks, druggies, dropouts, and doxies that made up the shadier side of Sunnydale. Funny, considering she'd been almost all of those things at one point or another. After Buffy and Angel's betrayal, she had corralled her anger and pain just long enough to make it to her favorite dive and get good and drunk. Maybe some vampire would be dumb enough to cross her path tonight…

Now Faith stared at the blond man sitting next to her. He looked familiar, but she couldn't quite place him. Not to worry; she'd figure it out eventually. "What did you say your name was?" the eighteen-year-old repeated her question.

"William the Bloody." The man was at least as drunk as she was. "But me friends call me Spike."

"Spike… I've heard that name before." Faith took another long swig from her beer bottle, then set it down loudly on the bar. "Not the vampire who caused darling Buffy and Angel so much trouble last year and locked Red and the boy in that factory together a few months ago?"

Spike adjusted his trench coat proudly. "Yep. That'd be me."

The dark-haired Slayer toasted him with her beer. "Nice going, Spike. I'm Faith. The other Slayer," she added sourly.

"Slayer, eh? What's a Slayer doing in a place like this?" he asked, completely skipping the multiple Slayer paradox.

"Drinking." She waved her beer in the air. "How about you? What'cha doing back in the 'Dale? B and A told Giles you were off to go torture some old flame. What was her name? Dorcas? No, Dingbat?"

"Drusilla," growled Spike, glaring at her darkly. "And yes, I was… Only, she's eloped with that bloody chaos demon, and now I can't find her."

Faith grinned at an old memory. "Chaos demons. Never thought they were particularly sexy. To be honest, neither are empath demons. Vampires, now…. That's a whole different story."

The vampire stared at the drunk young woman in open disbelief. "You must 'ave been dropped on yer 'ead as a child. Perhaps you've lost one too many fights. Or maybe you're just crazy. Vampires, sexy? You're one rum kind of a Slayer."

"What?" she snarled. "You can't say Buffy's any better."

Upon reflection, Spike couldn't argue with that.

"Her and Angel… looking at each other like two pathetic, desperate puppies."

"Sickening," he agreed. "The way they always" –

"Want to jump each other but stop at the last possible second?"

"They're going to explode someday. Or kill each other." The thought made Spike feel marginally more cheerful.

"Probably both." Faith closed her eyes and smiled at the mental picture. "Their arguments always go the same way."

"Eh?"

"Something simple suddenly becomes dramatically important. Life or death. The future of the world depends on those two. Please," Faith snorted. "As if."

"And then Angel goes and gets all bloody noble, doesn't he? _Buffy, we can't be together. I have to leave. It's for the best_," the vampire said with fake solemnity. "Great Poof."

"So B switches to hormonal, wounded, angry dumpee. _Don't my feelings matter? What about me, Angel? I love you so much it hurts!_"

"Don't forget the yelling and disbelief and hurt eyes," Spike added helpfully. "Or the background music."

"Ha. No kidding. I mean, can't B see it coming? Doesn't she realize he's just going to hurt her? Break up with her, I mean." Faith heard the pain in her own voice and washed it away with more beer.

"She knows. Have to be a complete lackwit not to."

"You think they do it on purpose?"

Spike held up his hands in ignorance. "I dunno, love."

"Hmm. Maybe they do it for what comes after the fighting." Faith waggled her hips suggestively.

He laughed. "You mean when Angel apologizes then adds, _I know it hurts. I'm dying inside – but we have to do this, Buffy. We can't be together_."

Faith stuck out her lower lip and let it tremble. "_Angel, I love you_."

"_And I love you_." Both Spike and Faith had slid off their barstools now and turned to face one another.

"_I can't live without you, Angel. I just can't._"

"_I… I … Buffy, you know how much you mean to me_."

"And then, before this gets any sappier" –

"Yeah, let's cut out the sniveling, saccharine dialogue" –

"They kiss." Faith wrapped her arms around Spike's neck as he put his around her waist. Slayer and vampire leaned in for one short, violent kiss. When Faith brusquely pushed Spike away, he'd gone all fangy.

"Sorry, love," he growled. "Sometimes I just get so hungry."

"That's all right. Nothing I can't handle." Confident, the young woman pulled a stake out of her belt loop. "You ready?"

"Watch it, buttercup." Spike quickly changed back to normal. "You'll put someone's eye out."

"Or their heart. Really, I'm not too picky."

The vampire took a step backward. "Working for the Mayor and still fighting vampires? You need to pick a side, love."

"Oh, yeah? What's your side, vamp?" she demanded angrily, advancing on him with the stake.

"Me? I just like to sit back and watch things burn." Spike yanked a cigarette out of his pocket and lit up.

"Really..." Faith watched him exhale. "Give me that." She stole the cigarette and took a long, slow drag.

"We calm now? No more threatening with pointy wooden objects?"

"For now." She slid the stake into her leather jacket, then handed Spike back his cigarette. Suddenly full of energy, she slapped a dollar on the counter and turned to leave. The rogue Slayer grabbed Spike's hand, pulling him towards the door.

"Whaaat?"

"Come on, vampire. I know this place where they make great milkshakes."

Spike followed Faith out of the bar, afraid to tell her his stomach wasn't made for milkshakes.

Fin


End file.
